I Delivering Negative Performance Reviews a Focus on

Beloved Crucial Skills,

At my last performance review, my dominate was extremely positive and gave me great feedback, so I was horrified to later discover that he gave me a score of "beneath average" on the formal paperwork.

I bundled a coming together with him to observe out why. That's when he told me I was disengaged, did not claiming myself, and did non collaborate well with others.

I don't believe any of that is true, and, even if it is, he should have brought it upwardly during our initial discussion. I got angry in the meeting, so he read me a formal Hour argument most the review process and has since refused to talk with me nearly it. What should I practise now?

Signed,
Blindsided

Dear Blindsided,

The short answer? Start over.

I mean that in the most encouraging style possible. If at beginning you don't succeed, try, endeavor again.

That said, I don't think you should attempt to get your performance review score revised, nor do I think you should attempt to convince your boss that what he did is wrong. I exercise recall you should effort to meet him where he is.

Here's why.

Information technology sounds similar the interaction has reached a temperature that about guarantees you'll be met with resistance if you persist. Fifty-fifty if yous succeeded in persuading him to change the score he gave yous, it probably wouldn't mean much long term. "A human convinced against his volition is of the same stance however."

The fact that y'all got angry and he's now refusing to talk tells me this conversation isn't going anywhere until ane of you lot restarts it in the spirit of practiced religion. And while you could wait and promise for your boss to do that, the power is in your hands.

Here'due south what yous can do.

Focus On Yourself First

You won't successfully resolve this disagreement if there are sick feelings in your heart, because any you are feeling y'all will cease up expressing, whether in body language, tone, or words.

In crucial moments like the ane you face, we frequently believe that others are the crusade of all that ails u.s.a., but it's this belief that prevents us from communicating in a way that could atomic number 82 to progress.

So, recognize that equally much as you may want your boss to change your review or confess he handled information technology poorly, the but person you can change is yourself.

Get Clear on What Yous Want Long Term

When conversations turn crucial, we tend to get carried abroad with trying to win, protect our behavior, punish others, and and so on.

Such tactics are concerned with brusk-term outcomes, and achieving them usually comes at the expense of long-term outcomes that have much greater value. I suspect, for instance, you don't go to work every twenty-four hour period in order to get a good functioning review or that what yous really want is for your dominate to "consume crow."

So, step back and try to identify whatever curt-term desires you lot may have, then replace them with a long-term, healthy perspective.

Reflecting on the following questions should help.

• What do you ultimately want?
• What do you care well-nigh—in the long run?
• What's worth caring nearly—in the long run?
• What practise yous want for your boss—in the long run?
• What do yous want for the relationship—in the long run?

Consider Your Own Contribution

1 more than thing to reflect on: Are you overlooking any ways in which you might've contributed to your situation? Have you done annihilation that would requite your boss reason to do what he did, regardless of whether you find his reasons excusable? For example, note the fleck of irony in your question: getting aroused at your boss may have validated his assessment, right or not.

Interlude: Internal vs External Piece of work

And so far I've outlined the internal work y'all should practise before you raise your concerns again. This will enable you to reframe your perspective and become command of your emotions. When you lot've done this sufficiently—whether it takes you seconds or days—information technology feels like letting go.

Why? Because you will have let go—of any story that suggests "he's wrong and I'm correct" or "his behavior is unjustified and mine's justified," and so on. And when you've allow go, y'all'll feel malice dissolve and frustration dissipate. That's when you lot know yous're fix to talk.

You may besides feel vulnerable. Vulnerability is a proficient sign. It means you're about to accept courage, not revenge or some other spiteful action.

Now, on to the external work.

Apologize

Y'all don't have to apologize for your position—it's ok to disagree with your boss'due south assessment of your performance or how he handled the review process—just you may want to apologize for getting aroused. Information technology'southward unlikely y'all'll get a dialogue going without doing so.

Here's what that might await like: "Hey, I've thought a lot about how I reacted to my operation review and I'm actually sorry. I was wrong to lose my temper and I hope y'all can forgive me."

Now share the good intentions you should have established when you lot did your internal work—for yourself, your boss, and your relationship. Conclude with a request to effort again.

"I actually desire to do a good job hither, and I want your honest feedback. I besides want you to feel similar you lot can requite me honest feedback any time. And I want to improve how we talk about this stuff. I feel our terminal conversation did not become well and I'd like to effort again. Would that be alright with you?"

If your dominate declines your request, it doesn't necessarily mean game over. You may take to reach out a few times before he feels ready to talk, or you lot may have to wait until your side by side review. Let him know your door is open and allow him his right to cull.

If, on the other hand, your boss accepts, take the next steps.

Seek Common Purpose

Make information technology your primary goal to uncover some mutual ground. What do you both care about? I'll assume he wants you lot to exercise skilful work and that you want to exercise good piece of work. Can you discover common ground with regard to the performance review?

"I'd like to know where y'all're coming from. It would aid me if we can go on the same page, and so I want to know how y'all see performance reviews. What's their purpose in your view, and what practise you promise to achieve with them?"

Seek Some Basis Rules

After you lot've identified a shared goal, suggest some ground rules to reduce the chance of miscommunication. Fifty-fifty if your boss is post-obit a formal procedure, it should let for some communication guidelines.

Here are three suggestions.

1. Focus on Facts. Inquire him to share concrete examples and facts surrounding your performance. For instance, "disengaged" is an interpretation of behavior; showing up late to work every day is a fact. And commit to using facts yourself. If he shares feedback you desire to competition, do then with data.
2. Describe Gaps. Inquire him to connect the dots from your behavior to clear standards or expectations. "I think I tin can make meliorate progress if you could accept a piffling extra fourth dimension to explain why my functioning is considered below average and describe what average or good performance looks similar. Can we do that?"
3. Request Transparency and Time. Finally, going forward, ask for forthright feedback on your start meeting and see if he'll agree to a 2d meeting to review things before paperwork is filed. Explain y'all would similar a couple days to process his feedback before embracing it.

You Can Do It

Notice all these tips combined put the onus on you. Cipher I've said will empower you to change your boss'due south behavior or mind. Merely when we show up differently, others reply differently.

I often say that the skills of Crucial Conversations, when demonstrated, expect similar taking the high route. And while taking the high road tin can exist difficult, it will lead you higher.

Practiced luck,
Ryan

PS. Here are two more manufactures on the field of study that you might find helpful.

• The Key to Giving and Receiving Negative Feedback
• How to Be Resilient in the Face up of Harsh Criticism

Contributor

"A single insight tin alter the class of your life."

Ryan Trimble is a writer with published profiles, essays, and journalism. He holds a bachelor'south in philosophy and has worked as a copywriter, product designer, and editor for Crucial Learning since 2017.

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Source: https://cruciallearning.com/blog/angry-with-your-boss-over-a-bad-performance-review-heres-what-you-should-do/

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